One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
