Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
