For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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