Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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