Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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