Your mouth is God's brothel.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize