Duck Duck Cougar?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
