I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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