Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
