My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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