this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
