Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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