first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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