Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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