Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
