a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize