I wish I could teleport
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I will be naked everywhere
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
