im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
