I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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