we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
