can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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