Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
