Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
