We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
