Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
