Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
