My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
