gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
