Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
