He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
