Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize