a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
