I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
