I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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