I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
