it wasn't lemon gatorade
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We had sex on a dog bed..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
