If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
