nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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