god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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