I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
