somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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