wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
