Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize