So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
