remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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