Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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