I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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