I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
