2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
