if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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