do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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