I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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