Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
