You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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