Where did you get a picture of my penis
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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