Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
