Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
