everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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