The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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