I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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