i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
