Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize