i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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