What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
