He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
