i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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