Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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