I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
